Constructing a Personal Statement (Part 2)

This post shows my first and final draft of my personal statement. This is a document used when applying to University through UCAS and may also be required for apprenticeships and jobs. I used a class template and my own research to show me how to structure my personal statement and what information I should put in my paragraphs. I received feedback from a lecturer and improved my drafts.

Here is my first draft

Content creation and media has been my main passion since I was 10 years old.docx from ElliotDaroczy

Lecturer Feedback

Emma Leslie-Boddy

Thank you Elliot for letting me have a read through your first draft, please see below for some pointers to enhance your statement.

For your first paragraph, can you identify anyone that has particularly inspired you to pursue a career in this field? You should identify what your career aspirations are and why. In addition, you should mention what degree you are applying for.

You have included your results for exams but this isn't needed as this would be on your application form.

You should go into more detail about the projects and wide range of skills developed while at college.

In terms of creating your own content is there anything that you have learned, or developed, or been inspired by to help you grow and develop your skills. You won't be the same as when you first started, you would have enhanced and developed. You could discuss how you have been trying to build you brand and followers/subscribes you have now if this is relevant.

For a personal statement you shouldn't really have abbreviations.

My Personal Statement After Feedback

I made sure to apply this feedback to my new personal statement, and improve on my previous work. I removed all of my abbreviations and I have talked about how I am trying to grow my brand. I made sure to remove my exam results as well. This feedback was really helpful, and it has helped me craft a better personal statement.

Conclusion

As a whole, the process of creating my very own personal statement has been helpful. I have researched into tips and tricks about how to create a good personal statement, and the notes I made really helped me when creating my own. Once I created my first draft, I sent it to a lecturer for feedback, and they gave me some feedback to improve my personal statement.

I increased how much I wrote, and removed any unnecessary information, such as the grades I got at school. Once this was done, I put my personal statement into UCAS just in case I wanted to apply to university. This process has been important, because I now know how to create my very own personal statement.